So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
