If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
