Duck Duck Cougar?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
