five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
