Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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