The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
