When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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