guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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