Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
