Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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