grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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