So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
