I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
