She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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