I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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