i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
