Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Can I color on your dick again?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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