i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
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You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Vodka?
Forever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
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LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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