I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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