Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
