we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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