READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I've blown a few things in my day
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
