There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
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He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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