He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i out mim tonsoeep
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
