Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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