He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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