kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
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Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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