We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My vagina is officially offended.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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