i was rollin on her like bob the builder
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
