Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
