Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
