girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The air was thick with penises
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
