I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
