We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
