you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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