I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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