Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
