So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
