I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
