she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
