Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
