she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
