I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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