Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
