There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
