3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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