first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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