I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
