so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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