oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This house was built for laser tag.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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