I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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