i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
