I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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