Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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