i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize