She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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