So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
